Clinton Pardons Self
Will devote rest of life to curing herpes

Story by YUKS White House correspondent,
Buster Balls

In an unusual though constitutionally permitted action President Clinton pardoned himself from prosecution of "...any and all past illegal activities ever engaged in." He also gave himself future credit for two yet to be committed crimes and a lifetime Get Out of Jail Free card. "I wanted to give myself a little leeway," he said adding, "Nobody's perfect."

When asked why he was devoting his life to a STD cure Clinton said, "It's a personal issue that concerns me... every four to six weeks. People have to know this disease can be spread by cigar or any number of other inanimate objects.'

Clinton also said that once this disease is eliminated he will take a job he's been offered as permanent MC of MTV's Miss Hawaiian Tropic Battle of the Bikini Beauties.

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