Quivers Beetlejuice's Mother?

Political activist Reverend Al Sharpton confirmed the rumor that the Howard Stern Show's popular dwarf Beetlejuice is his love child, born of a one-time drunken sexual union between he and Stern sidekick Robin Quivers.

Pakistan Blasts Jackass Into Orbit

Though plagued by a decade-long exodus of their top scientists to other countries, Pakistan began its country's ambitious top secret space program with a successful launch of a donkey into the outer stratosphere.