Bush Would Declare War On Canuks

Citing the need to stop the tidal wave of undersized Canadian quarters that are disabling American parking meters & vending machines plus halt the flow of odd-tasting beers coming across the border, Presidential candidate George W. Bush has said if elected he would invade Canada with his new souped-up army in the hopes of gaining his father's approval.

By Yuks staff writer Hugh G. Rection

"Nothing's ever good enough for him," said Dubyah after a campaign appearance. He then burst into uncontrollable tears. After composing himself, Bush gave an explanation of his plan, saying the most compelling reason for invading Canada is that, "...all they got is those Mounties to protect them. They'd be pushovers. That is except those guys from Quebec. They're always pissed off about one thing of another. You can't understand a single word they say, so I think we'd just pass on them and let the crazy bastards form their own country where they could speak whatever language they want and nobody'd bother 'em. America's conquest of Canada would be a win for Canadians because finally their money would be worth something."